Children Caught in Loyalty Conflict after Divorce or Separation

As usual I found this information very useful and truthful, thanks Karen. Such is the problem of child loyalty, In regard to my own son towards his mother, he has found it intolerable to respond to my regular letters and emails, even to the point of not acknowledging my Xmas gift to him last year. I do not blame him for this, I have only sympathy and understanding for the great turmoil he must be going through in thinking that if he contacts me that he may run the risk of losing the only emotional support he has in his life, that of his mum. I am sure that my letters are not being forwarded to him and this too is not his falult. I have gotten to the point where I am considering giving up in writing to him, such is the feeling of hopelessness and pain in my heart, I have thought this wise. Also, to spare him that feeling of being under pressure in being disIoyal to his mother… am not sure about this though, I am confused as to what I shoud do, but I do want to spare him in some way? I’m not sure if I should leave you all with my last letter to him, because I thought I’d just say what is in my heart as a farewell to him, knowing that I’ve wanted to say it for so long. Well here It is, but who knows if he will get it, I doubt it. I have omitted my son’s name for legal reasons:

“My Dear son E,

I hope you are very happy, if you are then that makes me happy too. The last time I wrote to you was in early February (as you can see the copy below), I have also written many times before that too. I have had no reply to any of my emails, I asked if you got my Christmas present and if you liked it, and the other things I asked about also, but never mind dear son. Never think I will ever be angry with you or that I can ever blame you for the sad situation we both find ourselves in, I know it must be difficult for you to know what is truly going on, so I truly understand. I want to say now that I feel sure that you are not being given my emails at all, because you do not reply to them, nor do I think you are encouraged to write back to me, again this is not your fault. I have no faith at all that you will be even reading this, but nevertheless all I can do is live in hope that you will receive it somehow. I wish I could see your school reports or even some of your school work, but you have been cruelly cut out of my life completely. I know nothing about you, and many have made it that way, even the courts, why? Well I just don’t know. It seems strange and wrong to me what they have done to our loving relationship, I have done nothing to deserve this and you know this my son.

What is happening is an injustice that we both have to deal with and it breaks my heart and saddens me greatly that others truly must know what is going on, but I can’t get them to believe me, they are only prepared to believe one person on the matter. For both of us this is sometimes called a “Catch 22 situation”, this is a saying that many people use to mean that whatever someone says or does that they can never win or be believed by others.

As I have told you before I have kept all my letters and emails that I have sent to you, this I have done so that you will see them all when you get older. We have always been very close to each other and you know that for many years we spent all our time together, because of this I still believe that you love me, I want you to know that I love you very much too.

I think you are old enough by now for you to be able to understand what is going on, so I will say this… I will never ever give up in trying to see you, I will do what I need to do so that we can see each other, please believe me. E… you need to know that we have been separated wrongly and unjustly for these last 4 and a half years, all based on things that are not true, I know that what I write here will be used against me, but things always have been and for the present time will continue to be.

You should know that I love you with all the power I have in my soul, as a good father should, it is because of this that I have never given up in trying to get justice for us both, and I never shall, not until the day I die. I think that it would be wrong of me to give up on you and I believe you would think that way too, so I will carry on no matter what others say or do. Try and remember the things I taught you, that what you truly believe in you must fight for and never ever give up on, that no one can destroy your love for me, or my love for you as your father, not unless we let them.

I know that you will not be reading this, but I know that one day you will get the chance to read everything. If by some miracle you do read this, then know that I am always here for you, and you will always be with me wherever I go. We will meet again and this is all I want, I do not want to hurt anyone nor should anyone think that way, but it is our human right to be together as a father and son should be. I know by now that you are not being given my letters or my emails this is why I have written in this way to be straight and honest with you, forgive me my son for this, but I feel I have to say what I know to be the truth after all this time, there is nothing else I can do.

Try and find a way to contact me E… I long to hear about you my dear son. I love you and miss you so very much, I am not able to say how much here. Be good for me as you always are, bye!

You Dad. Xxxx. “

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